Come heeeeeeeeeeere, guys.

There were new prospective students touring the college, and that means one thing - mischief. At first, I was only going to address a lot of them at once in the lunchroom, something along the lines of:
"GOOD MORNING, PROSPECTIVE STUDENTS, AND WELCOME TO THE UNIVERSITY OF EVANSVILLE! I, EVAN WILLIAMS, WOULD LIKE TO PERSONALLY WELCOME YOU HERE, AND I SINCERELY HOPE THAT YOU ENJOY YOUR TIME TO THE FULLEST."
But I figured that would be no good, as it would be inefficient. So, still believing that it was a personal duty to welcome these people to my college (in my town, no less), I instead adopted the approach of greeting them individually with a firm handshake and "My name is Evan Williams and I'd like to personally welcome you to my university. Enjoy your stay, and remember, [insert irrelevant fact here.]"

I decided, of course, that even this wasn't enough. For the lulz, I decided to greet current students with this as well. by the end of the day, this was the final count:

Prospective students: 30
Current students: 25

>:3