I'm just going to get everything out.

Sitting at work again, I have about 25 minutes left. Then I have an hour before Jazz Band, which lasts an hour and a half.

Valentine's Day is coming up, and I don't have a valentine. I don't even really know what a valentine even is, is it the person you are crushing on if you aren't dating anyone? Is it some guy friend who takes pity on you for a day? Either way it sucks. I've never had a boyfriend on Valentine's Day, except for last year, but he was two hours away, so it wasn't like we could see each other. If it was on a Saturday like it is this year, then it would be different. But it wasn't. It was on a Thursday.

Also, how quickly am I supposed to get over Evan? We both knew it was ending for a few days, maybe even a week, but that doesn't tell me how long it should be before I move on. Days?Weeks? Months? A year? Ha, I don't think I could go a year. I haven't been single for more than a few weeks since junior year of high school, and even in those in-between phases I was still messing around. Gah, that makes me sound terrible.

We'll see how long it lasts. It gets easier every day, which is good, but the thought of him being with someone else still makes me twinge a little. It makes me sound like a hypocrite. I hate being hypocritical.

When should I have a crush on someone? And when I do, should I go for it? I hate rejection. I also don't want to make the guy feel like he's a rebound. The thing is, I tend to bounce back quickly.....when I know a breakup is coming. The problem with last time was that I didn't know it was coming, so it was a total shock.....the other breakups I've been through I was mostly in control, and I knew it was coming, and I knew when I would end it. That was kind of the case this time, I could feel it, I got kind of scared, but it felt like it needed to happen. I think I'm doing pretty well, too. I haven't cried about it since Sunday, I think.

The other problem with this is that Evan is going to read this post. Not that I care, it just might be a little awkward. I don't know if I can totally say how I feel.

I'm ending this post. I think I've said enough.


On an unrelated note, Kait and Laura, I gave you all admin privileges so you can write stuff about yourselves in the box.