This makes me want to go into insurance. And giant robots. I want to go into giant robots.

A LETTER TO
OPTIMUS PRIME
FROM HIS GEICO
AUTO INSURANCE
AGENT.
BY JOHN FRANK WEAVER

- - - -

Dear Mr. Prime,

We have received your accident-claim reports for the month of June—they total 27. I regret to inform you that GEICO will not be able to reimburse you for any of those repairs. I feel that I have sent the same letter to you once a month for the last six months, and I am now sending it again.

Since becoming a GEICO customer in January of this year, you have reported 131 accidents, requesting reimbursement for repairs necessitated by each one. You have claimed not to be responsible in any of them, usually listing the cause of the accident as either "Sneak attack by Decepticons" or "Unavoidable damage caused by protecting freedom for all sentient beings."

The only repairs for which you were reimbursed were the replacement of a cracked fender and a headlight, required after a Mr. I. Ron Hide backed his van into your truck; these cost $1,286.63. Our own investigation concluded that you were not at fault and that Mr. Hide had been drinking prior to the accident. Though police were unable to test his blood-alcohol level—Mr. Hide claimed that it would be impossible for police to examine his blood-alcohol content with a Breathalyzer, because he "doesn't breathe"—under Washington-state law, refusal to take a Breathalyzer test is equivalent to returning a result above the legal level.

But, I repeat, those were the only repairs for which you have been reimbursed, and it was a very minor accident in comparison to your other claims. I mention a few to illustrate the larger trend:

* $379,431.34 requested reimbursement for repairs to your truck cabin. You claimed the damage was caused by attacking fighter jets.

* $665,789.11 requested reimbursement for repairs to your trailer. You claimed the damage was caused by a giant mechanical scorpion, which I can only assume is some amusement-park ride, although I question the wisdom of bringing your mobile home so close to such dangerous equipment.

* $6,564,239.44 requested reimbursement for repairs to a truck part called the "Autobot Matrix of Leadership." You stated this occurred in "an ultimate confrontation between good and evil," with a Ms. Meg Atron and a Mr. U. Nicron causing the damage in question. Mr. Prime, I have checked every known car- and truck-part catalog published in the United States and have found nothing even resembling that part, never mind any part so expensive. Whatever disagreements you had with Ms. Atron and Mr. Nicron, I suggest that next time you either settle things peaceably or leave your Autobot Matrix of Leadership at home so it doesn't break. GEICO does not cover Autobot Matrix of Leaderships.

And the list goes on. Mr. Prime, I am going to remind you again: Your policy with GEICO only reimburses you for accidents that occur while you are engaged in the reasonable use of your truck and trailer. As I told you when you originally purchased the policy, GEICO does not offer Megatron coverage, Starscream coverage, Soundwave coverage, Decepticon coverage, or Energon-blast coverage. Those are just not the types of damages we would expect from reasonable use.

To sum up, GEICO has been unable to reimburse you for any repairs, but due to the high number of accidents you have been a party to this month, combined with the many accidents you have had in the preceding five months, your premium has increased to $235,567.50 per month. While that may seem like a lot, I remind you that it is a savings of $137 over Progressive and $98 over State Farm. Please have your check into our main office by the end of July.

Regards,

Simon Furman
GEICO Agent

@_@

I think there's something wrong with me. I find myself getting more and more ferally territorial over things that... well, aren't actually my territory. :/ And I find myself hating girls who are too much like me, and those that I find using my people ploys. I don't know why it angers me. It shouldn't. I'm not the only one allowed to be sweet to everyone to get people to like me. It's not like it's patented. And there shouldn't be any competition because I don't have a claim to it, and I *can't* have a claim to it because I'm already claiming something else that I will claim first above anything else.

For some reason I just....ergh. I can't even stand the thought that there might be competition for something I'm not actually competing for. Am I a bitch? Or worse.... could I be slowly turning into a vixen? D:


...


I'm really trying to see humans as beautiful creatures today, but I can't. I just can't. I'm one of them.

And I'm a monster.

Weird Dream.

I had a weird dream last night too. Evan and Kait and I (maybe Laura was there?) were in New Albany, across from the Kroger on Charlestown Road. The chair of the department of music kept texting me. It was weird. He texted "Where is the Old National ATM in Ridgway?" I thought to myself "second floor" but I didn't text him back. Then all of a sudden this car backs ON TOP of this other car. The girl inside is fine, she can walk, but her face is kind of bruised. I ask her if she wants me to call 911, and she says yes. I call 911 on my cell phone, and APPARENTLY it's different on cell phones. They charge like 5 cents a minute or something. The dispatcher was telling me to go to the Verizon store to pick up my money or pay money, I don't really remember.

Then all of a sudden we were back at UE, and two (cute) guys moved in across the hall from me in the vacant room. We were playing some weird video game, and I think my roommate had a crush on him and I think she was trying to get kissed. Ahahahahaha.

Ohshit. Ohshit. Ohshit.

I just had the most horrible dream.

Ok, so I woke up at seven or something and our road tripper Brandy was moving around coz they have to be up early D: and I looked over and she kind of made this... o.O face at me like why are you up and I was like... uhhhh idk. So I went back to sleep.

So then it was raining like a bitch in my dream. We were sitting in my living room and the lights were off and it was like... afternoonish looking and everything was sogggggyy. >< I live next to a creek so heavy rain spells bad things for some of us. So Bethany was there. And she walks in the room and says bye to everyone like I guess she's leaving and she's like "Aly already said bye to me, where's my hug?" lol so I hugged her (at this point I realised Aly was my sister? wtf!) I think Evan and Laura were there somewhere but I couldn't see them.

At any rate, Bethany left (accurately clad in her blue coat, might I add, and holding her giant mass of keys and wallet ^_^) and in a blue van and suddenly there was this HUUUUUUUUGE crash of lightning and thunder and I was like OHSHITOHSHIT BETHANY GET IN THE CAR. But she did and her mom was in it and they drove away and I was still so worried....

Then somehow I ended up outside (great idea during a thunderstorm) and in a giant truck that my dad was driving. My mom was standing outside and my brothers were in the back seat. The truck was parked in that huge green area near the creek across the road from the store (for those of you who've... well, that includes Evan. You are all coming to oldenburg this summer!!!! :D) And at any rate, it was soggy and there were little rivers flowing down the hill to the creek, which was brown and huge and swollen and ridiculous.

There were a whole bunch of adorable little white flowers blooming so I picked a few and they had really long roots that shrunk up when they hit air and the blossoms closed , I was like " D: awwww" . So then I got in the car (idk where mom went) and we started to drive around the green area kind of fast.

I hadn't gotten the door closed, so I was like "Dad, wait, Dad, the door's still open, WAIT A MINUTE, DAD HOLD ON!" and I managed to close the door as we were heading at that bridge at like 20 miles an hour, and he made a sharp turn to avoid it. But our turn brought us into two more huge trucks, one red and one gray, and it was like bumper cars and I was screaming, I can't remember what the boys were doing, and Dad didn't seem too concerned.

I was like "What are you doing!!" and he's like "Don't worry, we're fine" and turned and kept driving. I thought he'd stop and park but no, he kept driving and somehow we ended up on the road to Lawrenceburg (which isn't actually the road to Lawrenceburg, it's just the road to Lawrenceburg that appeared in one of my other dreams. The landscape is flat as in does not stretch on forever but more like a painting, rocky, desertlike, there's always a black thunderstorm in one part of the sky and all the trees are dead. I get the sensation there's buzzards waiting for me. It's a failed construction job as only one side of the road (the part I'm travelling on) is paved.)

I'm pissed, and Dad is all la-la-la I'm just driving, so I get on my cell phone and call mom and I'm like, Dad's driving us to Lawrenceburg, he's not a safe driver and I want to go home. And Dad's like, I was only going down this road a few minutes, then we'll turn around and go back. I was like, Mom I want to go home. She said something, but then all I heard was my alarm going off and I was like... fuck.... can't... get... up... *reach and flails*

>.< It's just horrible. It was the feeling of not being in control and instead there's someone totally irresponsible in control. I don't know why or if this is out of the blue or whatever. I hardly ever remember my dreams. Ohwel. Thought I'd write this down so I didn't forget. It's raining. Maybe that's why. Oh, well. Time for AO! :D

HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK

I think I may have found the perfect website:
www.whatthechrist.com

It's got weird stuff, funny stuff, sciency-stuff, and lots of other stuff. Some highlights are:

http://niemann.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/02/02/i-lego-ny/
A Lego guide to New York, brick by brick
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2008/11/081124-giant-squid-magnapinna.html
If this isn't the freakiest/coolest thing EVAR, then I don't know what is.
http://www.fmylife.com/
Fuck My Life
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXEIwEc1dxY&eurl=http://www.whatthechrist.com/?cat=109&paged=5
V's monologue...translated?
http://www.onesentence.org/
True Stories, told in one Sentence.

Enjoy!

There comes a time in every woman's life...

I will not be my mother. I will not allow my daughter or daughters to go through life having to learn things about themselves by themselves and from their friends.

This was the extent of womanly wisdom I got from my mom:
a. you bleed each month because you produce an egg which is half of a baby but won't become a baby until your husband's sperm fertilises it and since it won't be, your body throws it away.
>Congrats, you're biologically mature, here's some pads and there's Advil in the cabinet.
b. Wash yourself at least every other day. At the least.

Problems with a.
I understood the basest of explanations of the process and that was it. I don't think my mother really understood it either or bothered to learn. We took health first semester freshman year of high school, and she asked me if I had learned what a certain part of the bleeding was all about. Turns out it was the uterine lining. "Ah," she said. "That would make sense then."

I never understood how she could be satisfied only knowing that it happened each month and why and how to not bleed on your pants. I wanted to know everything. But somehow I think I knew she didn't know much more than she told me.

Problems with b.
WASH WHERE!!! WITH WHAT!!!! WHAT SHOULD I NOT WASH WITH?!?! ANYBODY?!?! HALP!!!!

i.e., I have learned that you should not wash your coochiesnorcher with soap. I learned it the hard way. By going completely itchy for a day after washing there with soap. You rinse, is what I learned afterwards. Rinse and wash with your hands, but don't use soap. To paraphrase from the Vagina Monologues, it ain't a garden! It's supposed to smell like that!

Point C. Gynecologists. I had no idea you were supposed to see them before you became sexually active. I still need to get that set up for self. That's a good idea. Mom never really bothered to talk about them. I think I'm going to have to ask when girls should start going. It'd be really great to know everything's going good down thar.

Also, douches are harmful. Mom never told me about that. I didn't know the word existed until the fifth grade guys started calling each other douchebags. >< And thinking they were cool.

I also think that part of my problem is I'm never satisfied until I know the complete why's and how's of how stuff works of the stuff I want to know how it works. And I'm pretty sure my kids are gonna be the same way.

I'm not going to be unapproachable like my mother was with this. I can't be a Grey's Anatomy either, though. But at least I can be knowledgeable and approachable.

OH! And since I'm no longer Catholic and believe masturbation is healthy... that's not going to be a touchy subject either. Policy will be, go ahead, just be clean and safe about it, don't use vegetables, and don't do it with other people around. XD

I don't want them to look back on this and hate me for forcing them to find out on their own. I don't want them to look back and go, "Jesus, Mom, what the fuck? You could have told me all this shit and saved me some face and some mistakes!"

I'm not ever going to say that to my mom, because I know if I do, she's going to realise how much she hurt me by letting me go uneducated, and she's going to feel terrible. But I just wanted to throw out there... that I'm not letting my girl(s) go through that. : ) Ever.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU--

v.v So. I called the Franklin County Circuit Courts today. They sent a letter to my home address telling me I needed to report for jury duty Wednesday, February 25th at 8:30 am. Couple of problems with this.

a. I am a full time college student four hours away from home, with limited funds for gas.
b. I didn't have to invent an exam for that day, I actually have one. And I'm not sure about math. But it's at 12. And in order to get back for my exam I'd have to leave prior to 8 am. Which defeats the point.
c. I can't afford the gas money. Not when I'm going home again Sunday, and I can't just stay there because there's lots of class I'll miss.

Points a) and b) were explained to the bailiff. I told her there was no way I'd be able to get back for my exam in time, etc, etc. She said I was excused. Here's the fun part. They want me to send in a notarized letter explaining to the court exactly what I explained to the bailiff.

I looked in the yellow pages online for notary publics in Evansville. Either side of Evansville, nothing that looks under a 20 minute drive. Thanks a fucking bunch, America. I love you too. Did I mention I can't really afford gas money?


No, no. Really. I really fucking hate you, America. I don't care that you invented a Bacon Explosion. I don't fucking care one bit, because your jury lotteries and bureaucracies are FUCKING. RIDICULOUS.

(When I thought, now where can I find a notary public...?? my mind immediately floated to Heather, thinking "Hey, she's a notary public..." One problem with that. Heather works at the Batesville library. It completely defeats the point. I feel like crying now. Goodbye, sanity....)

The Intro

Normally, I'd just link this, but it's short. Here you go:
=====================================================================
They told me I was lucky to have awoken in the Inner-Down. They told me I was lucky to have found the elevation cylinder, and they told me I was lucky to have survived long enough to have been found by their advance scouts.
They’re liars. Was I lucky to have my life taken away from me? Was I lucky to have been ripped from the world I knew and cast into this hellish place? No, I would have been lucky to cut my wrists or neck on the glass. I would have been lucky if the cylinder had broken and I’d have starved inside. I would have been luckier to have been eaten by whatever demented beasts this place is sure to have. That would have been lucky.
But I just had to live. It’s amazing the circumstances that can turn a human’s indomitable will to live from his greatest asset into his biggest enemy.

So, basically......don't bother looking for me today.

Here's my schedule:
9-9:50 Music Theory
11-1 other classes
1:15-2:30 MT Practicum
2:45-3:45 Work-study
4-4:50 U Band
5-6:45 Dinner/Homework/Practicing
7-10 Wind Ensemble dress rehearsal

Then I think I'm going to BED.

gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Summer warblings...

Um. I'm mapling, at present, except I'm on a ship that takes me to another piece of the world and is a 15 minute wait. D: In real time.

So! Um. I'm feeling nonchalant. About things. The air is warming up wewt! :D And it feels like spring, and with spring, summer's not too far away!

Which means many things:
1. I have to start looking for/applying for scholarships, like, tomorrow. D:
2. I have to figure out what the hell dad meant by submitting my resume to Hil-Rom for summer internship for any position... because I've looked and there's no way I can do that online. X_x GAH!
3. I might have to put in my app at Pamida or something because there's no way in hell I'm working at Kroger's. Forced union membership for the LOSS.
4. Spring break I'm taking half of my long jeans and long sleeve shirts back home and coming back with SHORTS. AHAHAHA YAY. X3
5. I need to get my ass in gear because it is not yet summer and I still have a lot of stuff to do. Least of all saving for metals next semester if I can get in. (*crosses fingers* >.<)

.... that's about it, for the moment. I'm going to have an ass summer for the most part. Work, work, work. I don't want to try back at the library because they'll have new pages to replace Abby and Christine who are going to be off college-ing come August and the pages they've got now to replace the girls from my year actually want to work all the time. (GASP!) omg. lol. So.

:/ Although I'd love to work there.... I mean. *shrug* I'm not going back to wash dishes, ever. The convent's a no. So basically Oldenburg is a no unless I want to be a waitress which I don't and even if the restaurants were hiring that would mean I'd almost never get out of Oldenburg... although I'd save on gas coz I could walk when it wasn't raining. :/

I don't really want to try for a job where I have to be sort of snazzed up all the time, like at Peebles or Maurices. :/ And Maurice's is heavily perfume-laden anyway. McDonald's is out. Wendy's is out. So is Arby's and Skyline (*swoon* .. oh I do long for that chili... anyway)... and LaRosa's. And the gas stations. :/ Maybe I could check out Harmeyer's. Or something. There's got to be something around here that doesn't completely SUCK.

>.> Course... I could see what dad says about Hil-rom... I guess I wouldn't mind filing papers and answering the phone. Sigh. I don't know.

TL;DR = I'm worried about my summer job and how badly summer is going to suck this year. D: I hope to see everyone a lot though! A lot = at least twice. XDDD

....sigh. It's only february but I'm freaking out already.... sigh. Ah, well. Back to mapling.

Tchuss!

I have found my calling.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UR3kfP1IQHk

Let it be said that I LOVE AMERICA.

Do you want a lover, or do you want a life?

This isn't good.
Evan's friend Jeremy said that if he was single he'd be hitting on me.
He said I should just share my feelings.
Stephanie said it's too soon.
Bonnie said wait a couple months.
Fuck that.

It's cool.
I'm cool.

Haha, I love writing foggy blogs.
Foggy Blogging.

Just a few admin things, kind of sorta important but not too important. >.>

Ok. I've been wanting to comment on a few things, but unfortunately the whole "word verification" thing... yeah. The word doesn't actually show up.

So I turned that off. Hope you don't mind.

Also.... in our little description box, there's only allowed to be 500 characters, so.. idk. I tried to trim down my tiny bio so Laura has room, but I may have to trim down more. Maybe I should reduce it to one word. Ooooh, literary challenge! :D lol

....other news, my car is on USI campus. D: That means my hat is at USI. And my scarf. It's fucking cold out there. BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

>.> So anyway.

Kait out. Tschuss!

I'm just going to get everything out.

Sitting at work again, I have about 25 minutes left. Then I have an hour before Jazz Band, which lasts an hour and a half.

Valentine's Day is coming up, and I don't have a valentine. I don't even really know what a valentine even is, is it the person you are crushing on if you aren't dating anyone? Is it some guy friend who takes pity on you for a day? Either way it sucks. I've never had a boyfriend on Valentine's Day, except for last year, but he was two hours away, so it wasn't like we could see each other. If it was on a Saturday like it is this year, then it would be different. But it wasn't. It was on a Thursday.

Also, how quickly am I supposed to get over Evan? We both knew it was ending for a few days, maybe even a week, but that doesn't tell me how long it should be before I move on. Days?Weeks? Months? A year? Ha, I don't think I could go a year. I haven't been single for more than a few weeks since junior year of high school, and even in those in-between phases I was still messing around. Gah, that makes me sound terrible.

We'll see how long it lasts. It gets easier every day, which is good, but the thought of him being with someone else still makes me twinge a little. It makes me sound like a hypocrite. I hate being hypocritical.

When should I have a crush on someone? And when I do, should I go for it? I hate rejection. I also don't want to make the guy feel like he's a rebound. The thing is, I tend to bounce back quickly.....when I know a breakup is coming. The problem with last time was that I didn't know it was coming, so it was a total shock.....the other breakups I've been through I was mostly in control, and I knew it was coming, and I knew when I would end it. That was kind of the case this time, I could feel it, I got kind of scared, but it felt like it needed to happen. I think I'm doing pretty well, too. I haven't cried about it since Sunday, I think.

The other problem with this is that Evan is going to read this post. Not that I care, it just might be a little awkward. I don't know if I can totally say how I feel.

I'm ending this post. I think I've said enough.


On an unrelated note, Kait and Laura, I gave you all admin privileges so you can write stuff about yourselves in the box.

Life atm...

Currently, I'm sitting at my desk, with an hour until my next class. I have a Russian test at 1 and a discussion to lead at 12 on a book I haven't really read.
And I need to shower...

Last semester I had better time management, wasn't always so bored, and was more motivated. Now, for some reason, I'm slacking even more than usual.

Actually I do know the reason...

Being away from the person you love is hard. The difficult part is living without them. I hate going to sleep at night without her warm arms wrapped around me. I hate sitting alone in my dorm, wanting to talk to her, but not knowing if she's in class or asleep or with her friends.
I just want to be with her forever. I never want to leave her side.

...This is hard.
But I'll never stop loving her.
<3

Am I Suicidal, Or Am I Hungry?

Breaking up is hard to do
But waking up is harder
I had plans, and they fell through
Now I’m back to beg and barter.

Pierrot Lunaire concert tonight. It should be amazing. Everyone who goes to UE should go.
I have a percussion playing test in 30 minutes.
I have SAI formal rush tonight.
Wind Ensemble concert is in a week. I can barely play the music. I'm fucked.
I just realized I need a new hair brush.
I just realized I make lists when I don't have the patience for paragraphs.
It adds drama.
Because I need more of that in my life. HA.
HA, I said.
One final thought.


FUCK.

Procrastinatiooooon!

So, I'm in the library right now...I'm normally not one to go to the library to write a paper, but Nao and Andrew have been getting utterly annoying recently. Well, not necessarily them, mainly just their non-stop, annoying music that they play ALL FREAKING DAY LONG. And there are only like...100 songs on the Ipod, so I hear the same songs, all day every day....GOD IT'S ANNOYING.

Anywho. So, yeah...I'm supposed to be writing my Japanese Culture paper right now...on the Samurai Spirit! Oooooh...XD
I mean, I've gotten the first paragraph done...but I don't really know where to go next. I'll only know that as I write each sentence...it'll just have to flow out of me like bad diarrhea. XD
I'm just glad that it's a 2:45 class, so I can get most of it done tonight, then add the finishing touches tomorrow ^_^

Oh yeah...and 11 days till I see Dai again!!!!!!! OMFZOMBBQ I CAN'T WAIT! :3

I have an AWESOME POINT ZERO in Architecture

Campus art is...lacking. All of the paintings are securely tucked away inside of nice buildings, which, of course, leaves nothing for the dorms (other than an exceedingly creepy portrait on The Pit). Now, being the kind, benevolent winner that I am, I took it upon myself to give back to the campus that has graciously accepted me (and distract from that exceedingly creepy portrait). Now, world, I give you: THE CHAIRAMID

Mine was the heart I never thought you would break.

(also posted in surviving-insanity.blogspot.com)

My one hope was that I'd survive you.

Jay Brannan, you fucking speak to me.


I'm glad we're still friends, but sometimes I still get tinges of pain.
It's alright.
I'll be fine.
You'll be fine.
We'll be fine.
I love you.